It Was the Best of Days...

I know it's been awhile since I've posted.  Sorry about that.  I haven't felt much like writing about school.  It's been a stressor in my life for awhile.  But, to be honest, today is a day worthy of writing.  Graduation Day 2011!
I've been thinking a lot about this poem by Jim Carroll:


You're growing up. And rain sort of remains on the branches of a tree that will someday rule the Earth. And it's good that there is rain. It clears the month of your sorry rainbow expressions, and it clears the streets of the silent armies... so we can dance.


I think about my kids... and a rainy graduation day, like today.  Throughout the years, I have watched this kids grow.  They've worked towards becoming the adults I knew they could be.  And they now KNOW that they can achieve their dreams... they will become forces to be reckoned with.  Of all my graduations to this point, this one has been the most emotional.  These kids have struggled through addictions, family problems, homelessness, being single parents, etc.  Many were the first in their family to graduate.  Many worked extra hours to walk across that stage today.  Some of my first students at my school graduated today.  I don't have children, but I feel the swelling pride that parents must feel when they watch their children do something successful.  There were multiple times my eyes welled up with tears, and I wanted to hug those kids and smile.
It's a turning point in my life and theirs.  They will go on and live their lives as they've dreamed.  I have to walk away and let them go, with only hopes to see them again.  And yet I let them go with a smile in my heart.

Closing time...

It's been awhile since I've last posted, and there's a few big events that have happened.
To begin, I actually took vacation on Spring Break!  AMAZING!  My husband and I travelled to Hawaii for 7 days.  I got to explore and see historic sites, such as Pearl Harbor.  

USS Utah

USS Arizona Memorial

Flag above the USS Arizona

USS Missouri

USS Oklahoma Memorial

This quote by Jan Denise reminds me of how I felt each morning in Hawaii:

"Watching the sun rise over the ocean is making it easy for me to wake up and get out of bed.  I'm not jumping up to take a shower or go to work.  I'm jumping up to greet the majesty of the day, of God, of me.  The majesty reminds me that God's in his heaven... and so am I.  And, heaven is a lovely place to start the day, a lovely place to live.

After exploring and loving Hawaii, we returned, and the next week I was presenting at the National Council of History Educators.  My group and I created an argument about the Civil War and, using archival documents, supported our point.  Another amazing experience!

Penn Center

Penn Center

Fort Sumter

33 Star Flag over Fort Sumter

Water Front Park

Old Exchange and Povost

St. Martin's Church

Foyer where some clips from Gone With The Wind was filmed

Finally, the last bit of news.  A few weeks ago, we found out our school was being changed from 9 - 12 grade to a 9th and 10th grade remediation school, and that 8 people would be cut.  I had asked my boss a few times whether or not I'd have a job next year, and he kept telling me that there was a 99% chance I'd have a job next year, especially since the other social studies teacher was applying all over and had no desire to stay at our school  Upon returning to school after my conference trip, I was in my morning meeting.  My principal stated that this meeting was going to be about next year and that the teachers were currently in three groups.  The first group was those who intend to return next year.  I thought he'd mention all of us who signed our intent to return form.  Instead, he mentioned four names... none of which were mine.  It was that moment that I realized I'd just been told I will not be returning to my school in front of the entire faculty.  I was slightly in shock... and incredibly angry.  I couldn't believe it.  I had asked my boss directly whether I'd have a job, and he gave me no inclination to worry about my job.  Now... I had no job.  What the heck just happened?!  According to friends of my, my boss is somehow under the impression that I knew I would not be chosen to stay.  Where that idea came from, I have NO idea.  About 15 minutes before classes started, I was talking to my friend across the hall when my principal came in and asked me if I had a moment to talk.  I looked at him and said, "I don't really want to talk about it right now, ___."  He said okay and to talk to him when I was ready.  I haven't talked to him yet... mostly because I don't know how to simply tell him that the way he handled this situation was inappropriate.  I don't want an apology, his response won't change anything, but somehow he has to know that it wasn't okay.  At the same time, in order to cope with everything, and forget how sad it will be to lose my kids and my friends as coworkers, I am trying to keep everything at a distance.  As soon as I talk to my boss, he's going to try to personalize and justify and attempt to make things better... but I won't be able to handle him doing that.  I'm at a tipping point and need to figure out the best way to talk to him without letting him make it personal.  

My career at my current school is coming to an end, and I have no idea how what direction I'm going next...

"What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others." -Pericles

Next Year

In a word… uncertain.  I’ve spent awhile thinking that I probably had a job… especially since my principal told me that I had a 97% chance of still having my job.  At least, he told me that a few months ago.

Today I had my meeting with him in preparation of my formal observation.  While we were talking, he asked me if I was at a different school how comfortable I would be doing lesson plans, writing objectives, and writing demonstrations of learnings (DOLs).  It was so uncomfortable and awkward.  I didn’t know if was round-about trying to tell me that I wouldn’t have a job or was trying to say that there wouldn’t be any Social Studies at my school.  There is another Social Studies teacher at my school who started here after me, but is amazing, and I feel as though my principal may have been hinting that my job rests on whether or not she accepts the job. 

I am not friends with limbo.  I am not a fan of having my future in other people’s hands.  As a child, my parents constantly raised me to be determined and achieve whatever I set out to do.  And so, that is how I have lived my life.  I graduated from high school and went to college.  I finished my B. A. and then started right into my Masters program.  I worked multiple jobs for years to work my way through college and then until I got a full time teaching position.  Now I’m realizing that finding a social studies teaching position in our current climate may be next to impossible.  So even though I’m refining my resume and asking my people to write letters of recommendations for me, I am also pondering what else can I do with my life.  I have spent SO long in school, and student teaching, and substituting in order to be a teacher.  I can’t even imagine trying to do all that for another job.  I know I am very capable of doing plenty of other jobs, but I don’t have the same love behind those jobs.  I love teaching.  There is the potential for us to have a lot of change in our lives right now… there is a lot of uncertainty…

“Don't waste life in doubts and fears; spend yourself on the work before you, well assured that the right performance of this hour's duties will be the best preparation for the hours and ages that will follow it.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

My Letter... slightly edited...

I understand that you have many decisions to make throughout your job, and you believe that you are making these choices in the best interest of the school district.  I believe, however, that one of your decisions is not in the best interest of this school district.  At this point, I understand that the decision has been made, but I still feel that it is important for you to hear the consequences of your decision.

I am a teacher at __________.  Yesterday afternoon, we had to tell our juniors and seniors that next year they would not be allowed to return to this school.  The graduating class of 2011 would be our last graduating class.  They had a variety of reactions.  Some of our students (male and female alike) began to silently cry.  Others got angry and expressed feelings of betrayal.  Most feel as though the school district is setting them up for failure.   The last period of the day required teachers to try and keep students focused on the lesson, and not on their feelings of helplessness.

Our school is rare.  It is not like large high schools, such as _________ and _________, and that is exactly its purpose.  Our students left those large schools for various reasons.  Although some were expelled for behavior issues, others were falling through the cracks at their other schools.  They felt as though no one could see them in their classrooms of 30+ students.  Some require special attention, either because of low skill set, or because of special needs.  At __________, we are more than capable, and in fact, very successful at addressing these needs for students.  Many of our students have expressed that this is the first school they have felt successful.  Other students feel as though, once they cannot return here, they will have no place else to go.  Sure, there are other alternative schools in __________, but transportation is a huge issue.  Many need our bus system, or walk to school.  City buses may not be an option because of costs.

According to your new plan, you are expecting to force change in this community.  You are demanding that parents take responsibility for their students, and I can respect that.  The changes in our school, however, will hinder many of these students in our community.  It is one more time that they are being told they are not good enough.  It is as though we are saying they are not good enough for us to keep a school open to them, a school in which they feel at home.

As teachers, we spend more time with these students than their parents.  Unlike at big high schools, we have smaller classes, which allow to truly get to know our students, work with them one-on-one, and watch them grow into success stories.  For many of these students, because they do not get much support at home, we are the ones attempting to teach them how to make wise decisions and weigh the consequences of their actions.  Sending them back to a place they have been unsuccessful is participating in the cycle of insanity: hoping for a different outcome from the same action.

I may not be entirely clear on what your philosophy is on alternative education, but I can say that our school is not a school where we simply take in strays and babysit students until they are old enough to drop out or have enough credits to graduate.  We work under the idea that not every person on this planet fits into a box.  We all think and act differently, and every person can be successful.  There have plenty of studies done on different learning styles, including Howard Garnder, brain-based research, differentiation research, etc.  The list goes on.  In large classrooms, it is nearly impossible for teachers to differentiate for all learners.  The solution is not to close schools and force more students into classes.  One solution, which I strongly believe in, is alternative education.  It is NOT about simplifying the curriculum so students can succeed.  It IS about teaching curriculum in a manner that works for students’ individual needs.  With smaller class sizes, teachers have a better ability to differentiate and assist students in the learning process.

I believe that the idea for having better remediation for students in order to meet proficiency standards is an excellent idea.  Remediation, however, does not have to be at the expense of the rest of the alternative school.  We are all in education.  It is not for the money or the glory.  We all know the acts of educators are often unsung.  Instead, we got into this career because we love students.  We want to see them grow; all of them grow.  Education is not about the students who everyone expects to succeed.  There are those who love school, who find it easy, and will easily become one of those people who goes on to become a lawyer, doctor, or even president.  The world, however, is not solely made up of these students.  There are students who struggle with reading, who have a hard time working in large groups, who find math nearly impossible.  In the outside world, there are jobs that suit these people’s needs and desires.  Why should there not be an educational program that suits these needs as well?  It is not logical to believe that all students will be successful in the same environments.

When we left the meeting yesterday, a fellow teacher asked one of my students who had started to cry, how he was doing.  He told her he wasn’t going to drop out.  His exact comment was, “That’s what they want us to do.”  What kind of education system have we created when our students think our district is hoping they give up and fail?  I found it hopeful that he would stand against obstacles, but I do not think that bravery came from the district.  It came from his teachers who have worked with him for two years, reminding him that nothing can get in his way but himself.  This is an example of one instance where the teachers have made a difference, not because they had high test scores, or because the student had perfect attendance, but because some students are not naturally born with bravery, they have to be taught.  

Eliminating the juniors and seniors from __________ is a mistake.  Closing __________ is a mistake.  I stand by these students, and I am heart-broken to have informed them of their fate for next year.  It has been the only time that I have been ashamed to be a representative of this district, a district that believes my students do not deserve the best and most suited education.  I hope that you will consider my story when you have to make decisions about ­­­__________ in the future. 

Thank you for taking a few moments to read this letter.

Writing a Letter

When I was growing up, my Grandpa was a very strong-willed, stubborn man.  If something was happening that he didn’t approve of, he would write a letter.  To be more specific, he would pull out his typewriter and type a letter.  To me, it seemed as though he was never afraid of what would happen once he sent the letter.  If Grandpa felt so strongly to write a letter, then he was willing to take the consequences of his letter as well.  I feel that the time has arrived for me to follow in Grandpa’s footsteps, and write a letter.

Yesterday we had a meeting with all of our juniors and seniors.  We had to tell them that, as of next year, we will not have juniors and seniors any more.  We will solely be a remediation school in order to pull freshmen and sophomores up to proficiency in reading, writing, and math.  They are eliminating all electives from our school.  One thing we did not tell our students was that in December, the superintendent had actually decided to close our school.  Our principal fought for us to stay afloat.  And yet, this rescue boat we’re left with feels as though it is still being pulled toward a waterfall and we won’t exist after next year.

I get that people have different philosophies, especially about alternative education.  I’ve heard all the arguments.  “Why can’t those kids just shape up and succeed at a regular high school?”  Well, here’s my question for those arguments, “Do all people think and work in the safe fashion?  Why should we expect students to all learn the same?”  The truth is, there are work places for those who are good at math.  There are places for those who love to work with a lot of people and for those who would prefer to work alone.  There are places for people who are artistic and for those who are logical.  What in the world would make us think that a regular education high school, with 30+ students in one room, is the most efficient way to teach everyone?

Here’s another truth.  I love writing in my blog.  I love feeling as though I have an outlet and people to hear my screams about the frustrations in my district.  But these screams aren’t being heard at the level that can make a difference.  So, I’m writing a letter to the superintendent.

I had contemplated signing it anonymously, especially after hearing the type of retaliation that has been taken against teachers who’ve spoken out against the district. The longer I though, however, I realized that I am not breaking any laws.  There is nothing illegal about voicing an opinion.  In fact, I wrote a polite letter with passion.  I think I’ll finish editing it today and then mail it out.  All of our programs are getting cut: Adult and Family Ed, our expulsion program, our middle school behavior modification program, and our night school.  There will be absolutely nothing alternative about our school anymore, and it makes me sad.  So I’m writing a letter.


"I am only one, but I am one.  I cannot do everything, but I can do something.  And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do."
-Edward Everett Hale

Failed!

Albert Einstein once defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.  Apparently that is what is administration at my district is doing.

Action has failed.  Our plan to educate our students has been shot down so quickly.  Apparently the administration doesn’t feel it is necessary that our students are properly taught about the consequences of becoming teen parents.

What is the logic in allowing students to grow up and make uneducated choices?  They don’t fully understand the consequences of their actions, and as a teacher, I should have the ability to ensure they do understand.  But the man is yet again holding us down and duct taping our mouths.  In our heads, we scream, but outwardly we are forbidden to help.

Our superintendent claims that he has big plans to get our parents and community more involved in students’ education, and yet he doesn’t see the need to help create a more educated community?  How does that make sense?

I do understand the argument that public schools should only be expected to teach so much, but here’s my thought, why shouldn’t we teach as much as we possibly can?  I know teachers.  They have a strong, nurturing behavior, and a desire to help students as much as possible.  They care about their students, otherwise they wouldn’t be willing to work at home or on the weekends.  They wouldn’t deal with the challenges of teaching if they didn’t love their kids.  Being told you’re not allowed to help or educate is going against everything it is in our nature to do. 

It’s a big fat failure…

ACTION!

Since I last wrote, I'm sad to say there's been one more report of a teen pregnancy at my school.  BUT, action has started.  For ONCE, we are able to attempt to be proactive.  Next week, our two school nurses will be presenting (along side some local medical workers) the truth about pregnancy.  Here's an example of why my students need this.  One of my girls was squinting at the board.  She mentioned how she had to sit closer to see the board.  When asked why she wasn't wearing her glasses, she said that her sister told her that wearing glasses is bad for her baby, so she can't wear them until her baby is born.  
Anyway, we are having this HUGE meeting, and we are going to start discussions with our district to provide contraception for students at a need/ask basis.  I understand people's objection to contraception based on various belief systems, but here's my thought.  My students aren't getting the moral teachings at home to keep them from having teenage/pre-marital sex, and as much as we talk with them about EVERYTHING, they don't listen to us.  So, maybe SOME of them will be safe and not end up with babies at 15.  
Finally, we are going to talk to the boys.  They need to know that they will be held accountable for this baby the rest of their lives.  It isn't true that there are no monitory ramifications simply because the boys are under 18.  In fact, there are no age limits to child support, and should someone claim bankruptcy, it is the only debt that is not erased.
It's nice to feel like maybe there is something we can do as a staff, especially since we are so often broken records to our students.  Maybe when they hear from nurses, doctors, and lawyers, they will think twice about their choices.  Action feels good! 
"We are not afraid to entrust the American people with unpleasant facts, foreign ideas, alien philosophies, and competitive values.  For a nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people."  
-Pres. John F. Kennedy