I hope to not lose hope...

Well... here's where I'm at right now.  
I dread Monday morning meetings.  I dread emails from my principal.  I dread anytime he comes up to me in the hallway or walks into my classroom.  Why?  Because it's never going to turn out in my favor.  Usually it means I'm not doing something right, or I have to add more work to what I already do, OR I have another template to fill out properly instructing me on how to spell my name.  Fabulous.
About a week ago (on Veteran's Day) I took a personal day to spend time with my Veteran.  It was an AMAZING day... we just hung out, ran some errands (we have to take a Best Buy timeout...) and lounged around the house together.  It was so relaxing I didn't mind waking up and going to work the next day (although, I'll admit it was easier to know that it was Friday).  That amazing time off feeling lasted until about Monday.  The past few days have been a struggle again.  As I was driving home from work yesterday, I really wanted to figure out what was making me so unhappy.  
Was it the kids?  No.  I love my kids.  They're a challenge, but full of heart and spirit.  They are determined to succeed (usually) and they make me laugh.  The kids would be my biggest reason to stay.
Was it teaching?  No.  I really love teaching.  There's  a lot of work involved, but I love seeing the kids figure things out and start to be remotely interested in history.  I love talking to the kids a year later and have them tell me about something we did or learned the year before.  Those things stick with them.  I love helping the students realize that they have a ton of potential and can succeed in life, no matter what other people tell them.  No... it definitely isn't the teaching.
So what's left?  The hoops.  I cannot stand the hoops and I can't function being forced to live within the box.  I don't mind having to abide by the box every now and them, but to never be allowed to leave the box.  I like to have the freedom to be creative.  I sometimes have my most creative ideas about 10 minutes before my class, BUT the end of the world would occur if I changed my lesson and don't have it written down a week before hand.  Thankfully, this year I have been very good about keeping work at work and enjoying home time with my husband and dogs.  But I know I won't be able to keep trucking through this and always seeing the best sides.  I can't keep dodging my principal.  
I hope that I don't lose hope.  I hope that I don't lose faith in what I've been working my whole life to become.  It's been almost 20 years since I decided I was going to be a teacher, and I hope that I don't give up forever.  Maybe just a new district...
On a happy note, some of my students told me on Monday that I am an inspiring person.  That brought a smile to my face and lifted my heart.  :)


"The great renewal of the world will perhaps consist in this, that man and maid, freed of all false feelings and reluctances, will seek each other not as opposites, but as brother and sister, as neighbors, and will come together as human beings." - Rainer Maria Rilke