It Was the Best of Days...

I know it's been awhile since I've posted.  Sorry about that.  I haven't felt much like writing about school.  It's been a stressor in my life for awhile.  But, to be honest, today is a day worthy of writing.  Graduation Day 2011!
I've been thinking a lot about this poem by Jim Carroll:


You're growing up. And rain sort of remains on the branches of a tree that will someday rule the Earth. And it's good that there is rain. It clears the month of your sorry rainbow expressions, and it clears the streets of the silent armies... so we can dance.


I think about my kids... and a rainy graduation day, like today.  Throughout the years, I have watched this kids grow.  They've worked towards becoming the adults I knew they could be.  And they now KNOW that they can achieve their dreams... they will become forces to be reckoned with.  Of all my graduations to this point, this one has been the most emotional.  These kids have struggled through addictions, family problems, homelessness, being single parents, etc.  Many were the first in their family to graduate.  Many worked extra hours to walk across that stage today.  Some of my first students at my school graduated today.  I don't have children, but I feel the swelling pride that parents must feel when they watch their children do something successful.  There were multiple times my eyes welled up with tears, and I wanted to hug those kids and smile.
It's a turning point in my life and theirs.  They will go on and live their lives as they've dreamed.  I have to walk away and let them go, with only hopes to see them again.  And yet I let them go with a smile in my heart.

Closing time...

It's been awhile since I've last posted, and there's a few big events that have happened.
To begin, I actually took vacation on Spring Break!  AMAZING!  My husband and I travelled to Hawaii for 7 days.  I got to explore and see historic sites, such as Pearl Harbor.  

USS Utah

USS Arizona Memorial

Flag above the USS Arizona

USS Missouri

USS Oklahoma Memorial

This quote by Jan Denise reminds me of how I felt each morning in Hawaii:

"Watching the sun rise over the ocean is making it easy for me to wake up and get out of bed.  I'm not jumping up to take a shower or go to work.  I'm jumping up to greet the majesty of the day, of God, of me.  The majesty reminds me that God's in his heaven... and so am I.  And, heaven is a lovely place to start the day, a lovely place to live.

After exploring and loving Hawaii, we returned, and the next week I was presenting at the National Council of History Educators.  My group and I created an argument about the Civil War and, using archival documents, supported our point.  Another amazing experience!

Penn Center

Penn Center

Fort Sumter

33 Star Flag over Fort Sumter

Water Front Park

Old Exchange and Povost

St. Martin's Church

Foyer where some clips from Gone With The Wind was filmed

Finally, the last bit of news.  A few weeks ago, we found out our school was being changed from 9 - 12 grade to a 9th and 10th grade remediation school, and that 8 people would be cut.  I had asked my boss a few times whether or not I'd have a job next year, and he kept telling me that there was a 99% chance I'd have a job next year, especially since the other social studies teacher was applying all over and had no desire to stay at our school  Upon returning to school after my conference trip, I was in my morning meeting.  My principal stated that this meeting was going to be about next year and that the teachers were currently in three groups.  The first group was those who intend to return next year.  I thought he'd mention all of us who signed our intent to return form.  Instead, he mentioned four names... none of which were mine.  It was that moment that I realized I'd just been told I will not be returning to my school in front of the entire faculty.  I was slightly in shock... and incredibly angry.  I couldn't believe it.  I had asked my boss directly whether I'd have a job, and he gave me no inclination to worry about my job.  Now... I had no job.  What the heck just happened?!  According to friends of my, my boss is somehow under the impression that I knew I would not be chosen to stay.  Where that idea came from, I have NO idea.  About 15 minutes before classes started, I was talking to my friend across the hall when my principal came in and asked me if I had a moment to talk.  I looked at him and said, "I don't really want to talk about it right now, ___."  He said okay and to talk to him when I was ready.  I haven't talked to him yet... mostly because I don't know how to simply tell him that the way he handled this situation was inappropriate.  I don't want an apology, his response won't change anything, but somehow he has to know that it wasn't okay.  At the same time, in order to cope with everything, and forget how sad it will be to lose my kids and my friends as coworkers, I am trying to keep everything at a distance.  As soon as I talk to my boss, he's going to try to personalize and justify and attempt to make things better... but I won't be able to handle him doing that.  I'm at a tipping point and need to figure out the best way to talk to him without letting him make it personal.  

My career at my current school is coming to an end, and I have no idea how what direction I'm going next...

"What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others." -Pericles

Next Year

In a word… uncertain.  I’ve spent awhile thinking that I probably had a job… especially since my principal told me that I had a 97% chance of still having my job.  At least, he told me that a few months ago.

Today I had my meeting with him in preparation of my formal observation.  While we were talking, he asked me if I was at a different school how comfortable I would be doing lesson plans, writing objectives, and writing demonstrations of learnings (DOLs).  It was so uncomfortable and awkward.  I didn’t know if was round-about trying to tell me that I wouldn’t have a job or was trying to say that there wouldn’t be any Social Studies at my school.  There is another Social Studies teacher at my school who started here after me, but is amazing, and I feel as though my principal may have been hinting that my job rests on whether or not she accepts the job. 

I am not friends with limbo.  I am not a fan of having my future in other people’s hands.  As a child, my parents constantly raised me to be determined and achieve whatever I set out to do.  And so, that is how I have lived my life.  I graduated from high school and went to college.  I finished my B. A. and then started right into my Masters program.  I worked multiple jobs for years to work my way through college and then until I got a full time teaching position.  Now I’m realizing that finding a social studies teaching position in our current climate may be next to impossible.  So even though I’m refining my resume and asking my people to write letters of recommendations for me, I am also pondering what else can I do with my life.  I have spent SO long in school, and student teaching, and substituting in order to be a teacher.  I can’t even imagine trying to do all that for another job.  I know I am very capable of doing plenty of other jobs, but I don’t have the same love behind those jobs.  I love teaching.  There is the potential for us to have a lot of change in our lives right now… there is a lot of uncertainty…

“Don't waste life in doubts and fears; spend yourself on the work before you, well assured that the right performance of this hour's duties will be the best preparation for the hours and ages that will follow it.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

My Letter... slightly edited...

I understand that you have many decisions to make throughout your job, and you believe that you are making these choices in the best interest of the school district.  I believe, however, that one of your decisions is not in the best interest of this school district.  At this point, I understand that the decision has been made, but I still feel that it is important for you to hear the consequences of your decision.

I am a teacher at __________.  Yesterday afternoon, we had to tell our juniors and seniors that next year they would not be allowed to return to this school.  The graduating class of 2011 would be our last graduating class.  They had a variety of reactions.  Some of our students (male and female alike) began to silently cry.  Others got angry and expressed feelings of betrayal.  Most feel as though the school district is setting them up for failure.   The last period of the day required teachers to try and keep students focused on the lesson, and not on their feelings of helplessness.

Our school is rare.  It is not like large high schools, such as _________ and _________, and that is exactly its purpose.  Our students left those large schools for various reasons.  Although some were expelled for behavior issues, others were falling through the cracks at their other schools.  They felt as though no one could see them in their classrooms of 30+ students.  Some require special attention, either because of low skill set, or because of special needs.  At __________, we are more than capable, and in fact, very successful at addressing these needs for students.  Many of our students have expressed that this is the first school they have felt successful.  Other students feel as though, once they cannot return here, they will have no place else to go.  Sure, there are other alternative schools in __________, but transportation is a huge issue.  Many need our bus system, or walk to school.  City buses may not be an option because of costs.

According to your new plan, you are expecting to force change in this community.  You are demanding that parents take responsibility for their students, and I can respect that.  The changes in our school, however, will hinder many of these students in our community.  It is one more time that they are being told they are not good enough.  It is as though we are saying they are not good enough for us to keep a school open to them, a school in which they feel at home.

As teachers, we spend more time with these students than their parents.  Unlike at big high schools, we have smaller classes, which allow to truly get to know our students, work with them one-on-one, and watch them grow into success stories.  For many of these students, because they do not get much support at home, we are the ones attempting to teach them how to make wise decisions and weigh the consequences of their actions.  Sending them back to a place they have been unsuccessful is participating in the cycle of insanity: hoping for a different outcome from the same action.

I may not be entirely clear on what your philosophy is on alternative education, but I can say that our school is not a school where we simply take in strays and babysit students until they are old enough to drop out or have enough credits to graduate.  We work under the idea that not every person on this planet fits into a box.  We all think and act differently, and every person can be successful.  There have plenty of studies done on different learning styles, including Howard Garnder, brain-based research, differentiation research, etc.  The list goes on.  In large classrooms, it is nearly impossible for teachers to differentiate for all learners.  The solution is not to close schools and force more students into classes.  One solution, which I strongly believe in, is alternative education.  It is NOT about simplifying the curriculum so students can succeed.  It IS about teaching curriculum in a manner that works for students’ individual needs.  With smaller class sizes, teachers have a better ability to differentiate and assist students in the learning process.

I believe that the idea for having better remediation for students in order to meet proficiency standards is an excellent idea.  Remediation, however, does not have to be at the expense of the rest of the alternative school.  We are all in education.  It is not for the money or the glory.  We all know the acts of educators are often unsung.  Instead, we got into this career because we love students.  We want to see them grow; all of them grow.  Education is not about the students who everyone expects to succeed.  There are those who love school, who find it easy, and will easily become one of those people who goes on to become a lawyer, doctor, or even president.  The world, however, is not solely made up of these students.  There are students who struggle with reading, who have a hard time working in large groups, who find math nearly impossible.  In the outside world, there are jobs that suit these people’s needs and desires.  Why should there not be an educational program that suits these needs as well?  It is not logical to believe that all students will be successful in the same environments.

When we left the meeting yesterday, a fellow teacher asked one of my students who had started to cry, how he was doing.  He told her he wasn’t going to drop out.  His exact comment was, “That’s what they want us to do.”  What kind of education system have we created when our students think our district is hoping they give up and fail?  I found it hopeful that he would stand against obstacles, but I do not think that bravery came from the district.  It came from his teachers who have worked with him for two years, reminding him that nothing can get in his way but himself.  This is an example of one instance where the teachers have made a difference, not because they had high test scores, or because the student had perfect attendance, but because some students are not naturally born with bravery, they have to be taught.  

Eliminating the juniors and seniors from __________ is a mistake.  Closing __________ is a mistake.  I stand by these students, and I am heart-broken to have informed them of their fate for next year.  It has been the only time that I have been ashamed to be a representative of this district, a district that believes my students do not deserve the best and most suited education.  I hope that you will consider my story when you have to make decisions about ­­­__________ in the future. 

Thank you for taking a few moments to read this letter.

Writing a Letter

When I was growing up, my Grandpa was a very strong-willed, stubborn man.  If something was happening that he didn’t approve of, he would write a letter.  To be more specific, he would pull out his typewriter and type a letter.  To me, it seemed as though he was never afraid of what would happen once he sent the letter.  If Grandpa felt so strongly to write a letter, then he was willing to take the consequences of his letter as well.  I feel that the time has arrived for me to follow in Grandpa’s footsteps, and write a letter.

Yesterday we had a meeting with all of our juniors and seniors.  We had to tell them that, as of next year, we will not have juniors and seniors any more.  We will solely be a remediation school in order to pull freshmen and sophomores up to proficiency in reading, writing, and math.  They are eliminating all electives from our school.  One thing we did not tell our students was that in December, the superintendent had actually decided to close our school.  Our principal fought for us to stay afloat.  And yet, this rescue boat we’re left with feels as though it is still being pulled toward a waterfall and we won’t exist after next year.

I get that people have different philosophies, especially about alternative education.  I’ve heard all the arguments.  “Why can’t those kids just shape up and succeed at a regular high school?”  Well, here’s my question for those arguments, “Do all people think and work in the safe fashion?  Why should we expect students to all learn the same?”  The truth is, there are work places for those who are good at math.  There are places for those who love to work with a lot of people and for those who would prefer to work alone.  There are places for people who are artistic and for those who are logical.  What in the world would make us think that a regular education high school, with 30+ students in one room, is the most efficient way to teach everyone?

Here’s another truth.  I love writing in my blog.  I love feeling as though I have an outlet and people to hear my screams about the frustrations in my district.  But these screams aren’t being heard at the level that can make a difference.  So, I’m writing a letter to the superintendent.

I had contemplated signing it anonymously, especially after hearing the type of retaliation that has been taken against teachers who’ve spoken out against the district. The longer I though, however, I realized that I am not breaking any laws.  There is nothing illegal about voicing an opinion.  In fact, I wrote a polite letter with passion.  I think I’ll finish editing it today and then mail it out.  All of our programs are getting cut: Adult and Family Ed, our expulsion program, our middle school behavior modification program, and our night school.  There will be absolutely nothing alternative about our school anymore, and it makes me sad.  So I’m writing a letter.


"I am only one, but I am one.  I cannot do everything, but I can do something.  And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do."
-Edward Everett Hale

Failed!

Albert Einstein once defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.  Apparently that is what is administration at my district is doing.

Action has failed.  Our plan to educate our students has been shot down so quickly.  Apparently the administration doesn’t feel it is necessary that our students are properly taught about the consequences of becoming teen parents.

What is the logic in allowing students to grow up and make uneducated choices?  They don’t fully understand the consequences of their actions, and as a teacher, I should have the ability to ensure they do understand.  But the man is yet again holding us down and duct taping our mouths.  In our heads, we scream, but outwardly we are forbidden to help.

Our superintendent claims that he has big plans to get our parents and community more involved in students’ education, and yet he doesn’t see the need to help create a more educated community?  How does that make sense?

I do understand the argument that public schools should only be expected to teach so much, but here’s my thought, why shouldn’t we teach as much as we possibly can?  I know teachers.  They have a strong, nurturing behavior, and a desire to help students as much as possible.  They care about their students, otherwise they wouldn’t be willing to work at home or on the weekends.  They wouldn’t deal with the challenges of teaching if they didn’t love their kids.  Being told you’re not allowed to help or educate is going against everything it is in our nature to do. 

It’s a big fat failure…

ACTION!

Since I last wrote, I'm sad to say there's been one more report of a teen pregnancy at my school.  BUT, action has started.  For ONCE, we are able to attempt to be proactive.  Next week, our two school nurses will be presenting (along side some local medical workers) the truth about pregnancy.  Here's an example of why my students need this.  One of my girls was squinting at the board.  She mentioned how she had to sit closer to see the board.  When asked why she wasn't wearing her glasses, she said that her sister told her that wearing glasses is bad for her baby, so she can't wear them until her baby is born.  
Anyway, we are having this HUGE meeting, and we are going to start discussions with our district to provide contraception for students at a need/ask basis.  I understand people's objection to contraception based on various belief systems, but here's my thought.  My students aren't getting the moral teachings at home to keep them from having teenage/pre-marital sex, and as much as we talk with them about EVERYTHING, they don't listen to us.  So, maybe SOME of them will be safe and not end up with babies at 15.  
Finally, we are going to talk to the boys.  They need to know that they will be held accountable for this baby the rest of their lives.  It isn't true that there are no monitory ramifications simply because the boys are under 18.  In fact, there are no age limits to child support, and should someone claim bankruptcy, it is the only debt that is not erased.
It's nice to feel like maybe there is something we can do as a staff, especially since we are so often broken records to our students.  Maybe when they hear from nurses, doctors, and lawyers, they will think twice about their choices.  Action feels good! 
"We are not afraid to entrust the American people with unpleasant facts, foreign ideas, alien philosophies, and competitive values.  For a nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people."  
-Pres. John F. Kennedy

An Epidemic that Breaks My Heart

It’s official.  I have declared that there is an epidemic running rampant through my school.  What is it, you ask?  Pregnancy.  It absolutely breaks my heart to confess, but it’s true.  Today another one of my girls told me she just found out she is pregnant.  This year alone, I have had 12 pregnant ladies, and that is not including the girls who are already teen moms.  It is absolutely out of control, and there seems to be nothing we can do to help.  Usually, in situations like these, we say the answer is education.  But education seems not to have worked… or maybe it isn’t enough education.

According to our school district, we have to stress abstinence only, but can give a little bit of “worldly knowledge” if appropriate.  I understand that it would be wonderful if our students practiced abstinence, but they don’t.  In the environment they grow up in, their parents don’t enforce abstinence, so the students think that means they can do whatever they’d like.  As a teacher, I do build relationships with my students, and I share with them some facts.  If they are going to be sexually active, they have to be safe.  We discuss STDs, where to find protection, and mostly, pregnancy.  I had a student once who confessed that she had never been told “It only takes one time”.  She assumed that because she’d only had sex once, she couldn’t be pregnant.  To me, that means that our youth are making choices without being fully informed.  They’re OBVIOUSLY not getting this information at home from parents, and most have parents who were teens when they had my students.  It is a vicious cycle of insanity that very few people can figure out how to break.

Why?  Why teen pregnancy?  Here is what I think.  The biggest problem is the falling values in many of my students’ homes.  Values I was raised with are things they are not taught.  For example, I was taught that I could grow up and fulfill all my dreams, if I worked hard enough.  I was taught that I should finish high school, go to college, and get the rest of myself in order. THEN I can start my family and feel remotely stable enough to raise kids and have support from my husband, who’ll be as stable as I am.  These values were instilled in me since I was small.  My students don’t get these same values.  In fact, they see all the benefits of having young, single moms in their household.  Their parents are excited and SUPPORT their decision to keep the baby.  The amount of state funding that goes towards single mothers is astronomical.  It is actually a benefit to many homes because they qualify for more state support.  What breaks my heart even more is that many of these families don’t understand the benefit and freedom of working towards what they have.  Coming from a family that once had a single mother; I understand that there are some people who deserve a little help.  The difference is that when my mom was a single mother raising a 1 and 3 year old, she already had a career that could help her.  We didn’t have the most posh life at that time, but what we had, Mom worked for.  It’s the reason she is such a huge inspiration for me.  There was no milking the system… she earned her life.  And now she has earned her retirement. 

One final thought.  It breaks my heart that my students don’t understand and fully think through their options.  I understand that some people are opposed to abortions, and that is fine.  Our students, however, don’t think twice about the benefits of giving their child up for adoption.  They have crude, naïve thoughts like, “If you’re adult enough to spread your legs, you should be adult enough to deal with the consequences.”  They don’t realize that the “consequence” is a baby, and that baby is a human being.  If they love that baby so much, they should realize that can’t provide a life that child deserves.  There are so many couples who can’t have babies and have to result to adoptions.  These couples have stable jobs and are loving and kind.  They could give these children anything in the world.  They could show these children a life outside of this one city.  These children could go to college, or travel the world, or simply know what it’s like to go grocery shopping anytime and not have to wait for the food stamps that week.  Yet, my students feel that they need to raise their baby and the only life affected by their decision is themselves.  That idea proves our self-centered these young girls are, and you can’t be self-centered if you’re going to raise another person.  The baby HAS to come first.

I know I’m ranting at this part, but this makes me so sad.  And I feel so helpless that I just want to scream.

"Let everything happen to you
Beauty and terror
Just keep going
No feeling is final"

- Rainer Maria Rilke

Cold days

The temperatures have dropped DRASTICALLY!  As a result, we have had two school days called.  First of all, call me shocked!  My district never calls school.  We've had 2 school delays since I started 3 years ago, and never a school day called.  Now, we've had two in a row!  Secondly, how much sense does it make for our superintendent to call our schools closed but "recommend" that teachers show up for a workday?  So, since we were instructed to go in, we did... at least teachers at my school did.  Apparently almost no other schools called teachers in AND my principal spent the day putting together a dirt bike in our cafeteria with our gym teacher.  While teachers were upstairs working on... well, work... he was downstairs playing.  Our decision... leave at 10:30.  
I love teacher workdays.  I really do.  They can be so productive!  BUT, usually I know about these workdays in advance, so I can create a plan.  When I have a plan, I can work for hours in my classroom.  But, this is how my teacher workday happened today.  I was just getting out of the shower when my coworker called (waking the hubby) to tell me school was closed today.  Well, by that point I'm wide awake, so I decided to curl up with my blanket on my favorite IKEA chair in our loft, and continued reading Atlas Shrugged.  About 45 minutes later, I get another call saying that the principal left a message on her voicemail saying that it's recommended teachers come in for a workday.  Lounging in my chair was not the best place for me to attempt to get my "work mode" brain going.  So, I figured if I got my grades done, that would be good.  Well... I went into school, and that's all I got done.  I couldn't think of anything else to work on.  My brain was on "school closed" day.
I will say, however, I fully support calling Cold Days.  There's is only a certain point that we can expect students to stand outside waiting for a bus or to walk to school, especially if the kids are in a low socio-economic status and can't afford jackets, etc.  Back home, when I was growing up, we expected to walk to school in the negatives, but here, that's not the usual weather.  Maybe this will mean both teachers and students will be fully rested for the rest of the week... ah, cozy at home...


"If a man insisted always on being serious, and never allowed himself a bit of fun and relaxation, he would go mad or become unstable without knowing it."
-Herodotus

What defines history?

I've been wondering about this for a few days... ever since my principal showed me the new outline of what my superintendent expects to have us teach for American History next year.  Apparently my superintendent has decided that high schools will have a year of American History from 1950 to the present because "that's all he taught when he taught history."  First of all, I don't think that's a quantifiable reason to determine the curriculum change.  Secondly, how do you teach A YEAR of courses on only 60 years?  And finally, how can I be sure that the students understand everything that happened before 1950?  They are young and immature in high school, and our history is FILLED with things that need be delved into deeper than middle schoolers can do.  For example, the fear of Communism really started in America in about 1919.  In high school, I'd be starting the Cold War.  How am I suppose to get the to truly understand the fear that ran through the nation, if I'm suppose to start when that fear explodes?  Which means I'll be teaching the early things anyway, so they might as well let me keep American History from Post-Civil war on.  
I know it's not obvious, but I'm not a fan of my superintendent.  He's one of those guys who makes a decision and that's the end of discussion.  No taking anyone else into account.  I understand that this CAN be a good quality, depending on the situation, but when you're changing a curriculum, you should talk to someone who is a professional at writing curriculum AND talk to people who have specialized in that core area.  For example, there are plenty of teachers in this district who are continuing their education in history, AND are good educators.  Those are people who should be allowed to give feedback.  I feel that sometimes administration makes decisions and believes they're the correct decisions simply because they work in administration.  They feel that teachers should just be amazing at everything (which is what we are, so I understand that) but if we could have input, we'd at least be able to understand what and WHY we're teaching certain things.  I just feel that I am a better teacher if I understand the purpose and benefit to the kids. What is the purpose of only truly understand current history but NOT understanding how we got here?  Isn't it crucial for them to understand the mistakes of our forefathers so we can do better?  So we can be better?  I wish that some people in power would get rid of their arrogance and admit that they don't have all the answers.  It's a sign of strength to show you don't know everything, not a sign of weakness.  The weakness is being afraid to ask for help in making the best choice.


"It takes more courage to reveal insecurities than to hide them, more strength to relate to people than to dominate them, more 'manhood' to abide by thought-out principles rather than blind reflex.  Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles and an immature mind."  - Alex Karras

Loss of focus

It's my loss of focus day.  I have been focused on school work all day, trying to get some planning done for tomorrow and sub plans lined up for Monday, but that just doesn't seem to be happening.  I'm not sure how this happened, but I'm starting to realize I work MUCH better at the dining room table with Netflix on in the background than sitting on the couch with Clash of the Titans on in front of me.  There's something about sitting at the table.  Regardless, it's funny to me to think that a simple location change could help me get some work done.  It's also funny that I've had these thoughts for the past hour and have yet to move, even though I realize that the sooner I move, the sooner I sleep tonight.  
Things at work are going surprisingly well, however, considering all the big changes coming.  They're making our school a "true" alternative school, so we will no longer be the district's dumping ground for students they don't feel like dealing with.  Instead, we will actually teach students that WANT to improve their skills and be successful in life!  Amazing concept!  I'm so excited for these changes to take place... as long as I still have a job at the school.  But that's neither here nor there right now.  I really should spend my time focusing on how to prove I'm the best choice for the job.  I suppose that to demonstrate my awesome-ness, I should get up and move to create some phenomenal lesson plans... we'll see how well that works.
One challenge we're having at school is getting fed up with some teachers.  For example, our SPED teacher almost completely relies on our literacy teacher to create lesson plans.  The literacy teacher is getting so irritated that the other teacher is constantly dependent on her to do all the planning, data gathering, testing, etc.  And she's beginning to slowly break down, since she's non-confrontational.  She doesn't want to mention anything to the principal, because she loves the SPED teacher (as a human... NOT as a co-worker) and because she does not like to "get people into trouble".  We (her and I) blame it on her Catholic guilt.  This is only one of a hundred issues we're starting to have.  You can tell that people at their breaking point.  I'm hoping all stays calm until May 20th... can we make it 5 months and stay in 1 piece?  We'll find out...

Hope for life...

I have been thinking lately what to hope for in my life.  What is the ultimate desire for my future?  When I am 90 years old, and rolling around in my wheel chair, what do I hope to have accomplished and be happy about?  Here's what I've discovered:

I want to have lived a wonderful, adventure, and love-filled with my husband... and he'd be in the wheel chair right next to me. 

I want to be surrounded by people I love, and who still love me. 

I want to be filled with joy.

I want to know that, when I look back on my life, I was the best teacher I could, and I touched lives.

I know that it's unfair to imagine miracles, but I hope that students learn something from me, and I can watch them walk across the stage and graduate.  I want to know that I helped them succeed and that I helped make that smile on their faces.

Looking at my life up to this point, there have been imperfect moments, and times when I have made HUGE mistakes, but I've rebounded and been so blessed with the life I have.  I just hope that I remember what I want from life and keep working towards those dreams.  I hope to keep my hope. 

Changes...

People are not fans of change.  They don't adapt well.  As a species, humans reject change.  I have respect for any person that has to tell a group of about big change happening at their workplace.  Like yesterday, for example.  My principal sat us all down to tell us that two of our programs were being cut, and for us, that means that the principal is going to decide 6 people to cut from our school.  There is only one other Social Studies teacher in our building, and she is AMAZING!  She is so wonderful with our students, and so creative.  She has this instant capability of touching our students hearts... of touching people's heart.  And I adore her.  And I'm worried our principal is going to keep her.  I know she deserves the job, and is amazing, but I love my job too.  I love teaching, and I'm not ready to have that taken away yet.  So... I'm not really sure how to handle this potential change.  If only they could have two Social Studies teachers... there is definitely enough work for the both of us!  One teacher teaching all four required Social Studies classes is not simple.  It gets exhausting.  Maybe I can find a way to help keep both of us...


"If we don't change, we don't grow.  If we don't grow, we aren't really living." -Gail Sheehy

Overwhelmed...

It's true... teachers get overwhelmed, just like students do.  I already have my regular workload of creating lesson plans, grading, and teaching, but I've also decided to finish my masters.  In the past, I've taken classes and it hasn't been an issue, but this one is more intense.  Here's my problem.  I've been chosen to present at the NCHE annual conference in South Carolina, which is AMAZING!  I presented at lasts year's, but this year's presentation, I have to do much more research for our presentation.  We are using local archives and primary sources to argue that the Civil War in the east caused the Civil War between the Natives and the settlers.  This is going to require me to go to local museum archives, state archives, and lots of research.  But, now I'm also taking a summer class, which also wouldn't be so bad, except that it requires reading and writing papers due in 5 months.  It's all of a sudden become a ridiculous amount of reading, working, paper writing, etc.  I told my husband that I'm going to have to have a "study day" once a week (at least) where I spend the day away from home so I could get some work done.  How did I get myself into this predicament?  I think this is also going to require me to pause on my application writing for a new job opportunity.  And when does this overwhelmed stuff end?  Is it possible to push off my school reading until after my presentation?  Can I read 5 books and write 4 papers in three months?  I guess we'll find out...  

Why I love history...

I've been pondering other options for careers, in case all goes wrong with my school and I can't find another education job.  So, here's what I've thought of so far... being as I'm the biggest nerd I know, I've been thinking about something in research.  But, I don't know if I'd be a good scholarly researcher, trying to find new ways to see historical events that have been analyzed for years.  I do, however, LOVE to learn.  I was thinking I could be a research/article writer for a website.  All the fun of researching and learning without having to constantly re-analyze.  I'm not nearly as smart as historical scholars, and I don't want to pretend to be.  According to my friend (and article editor) I have a style of writing that she likes and develops throughout my writings... so that's good, right?  My current project is an application article on William Wallace... the truth behind the myth.  So far, I think it's pretty good.  I'm going for informative without repetative and OVER informed.  Maybe I'll attach it when I've completed it.  Regardless, it's really fun to try something new and remember what made me love history so much.  They are full of those qualities that make us love and hate humanity.  The things the give us hope and make us cry.  They teach us how to be the people we want to be.  We learn from history like we learn from older brothers and sisters.  History reminds us that one wrong turn can change us into the type of people we fear the most, BUT it can also help us remember how valuable and fragile life is.  We do not need to watch Disney movies to see heros and villians.  History is full of real life ones.  Villians such as Adolf Hitler, Josef Stalin, Rasputin, Heinrich Himmler, Kim II Sung, Valdemir Lenin, Mao Zedong, Benito Mussolini, Josef Mengele, Ivan the Terrible, Pol Pot, Vlad the Impaler, H. H. Holmes (and all other serial killers, murderers, etc.)  You get my point.  But our history, our world is FULL of heroes.  There are the ones that are famous: Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King, Jr., Joan of Arc, Florence Nightengale, Albert Einstein, Leonardo da Vinci, Mozart, Abraham Lincoln, John F. Kennedy, Galileo, Theodore Roosevelt, Benjamin Franklin, Jackie Robinson, etc.  But then we are also blessed enough to have unsung heroes.  For example, the men and women that fight to protect their country from harm so people may sleep safely in their beds; the parents that teach their children to dream big and never give up; the friends that always stand by your side through thick and thin; the children who's smiles melt your heart because you know they are filled with pure, unadulterated love.  Heroes surround us everyday, and have created who we have become.  History tells their tales.

Food for thought...

President Abraham Lincoln once said "I am a firm believer in the people.  If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis.  The great point is to bring them the facts."  I was thinking about this last night as things have begun to change even more and rumors have started to spread throughout my school.  I'm used to some rumors, but our school is small... we all know each other and are open with each other.  Rumors are very common for us.  To quickly summarize, people, including our principal, have begun to hint at big changes for us next year... and they are hinted at not being good.  In fact, when one of our teachers was talking to our principal about starting to look for new jobs, his exact response was "It's going to get worse."  Well, that's encouraging.
Back to Pres. Lincoln.  I know that throughout the district, decisions take time to solidify.  My principal has been complaining that the teachers aren't "bouncing back" as we normally do.  We're not rolling with the punches as well as we usually do.  Here's my thought.  How are people suppose to bounce back if we only get little bomb shells at a time?  Why not just drop the big bomb, give us time to process everything (even if it's not all completely solidified) and then let us move on.  If parts of the decision get changed or are improved, excellent.  We've already dealt with the big bomb.  The little bombs just keep bringing us down and forcing us to process.  By the time we process, there's a new bomb.  All I'm saying, is give people all the facts.  Let them make decisions based on all the information... not on part.  Afterall, we are an educated group of people.  Have some faith in us.

Post Break

Ah... the first week back after holiday break.  It's unexplainable.  You wake up in the morning, and forget that you have to go to work.  Start autopilot.  Get up, get in the shower, get ready for the day... it's the same routine from before break, but there's no sense of urgency.  There's no solid thoughts like, "What am I doing in first period today?" or "Do I have all my grading/copies/etc ready?"  Instead it's, "What time do I have leave for work?"  The students are even better.  About half have showed up so far this week, and I'm pretty sure the majority of them are thinking "........"  or there might be the occasional "Paper... do I have paper?  Pencil?  Bed?"  You'd think after two weeks off, we'd all be back a-rarin' to go.  And yet, not the case.  I don't know if it's because this year is extraordinarily challenging with all of the changes, or if its just because we're so used to sleeping in.  Regardless, it's been a rough start after break.  It's reasons like these that I'm a believer in year-round school.  The schools wouldn't go everyday, like businesses, but breaks would be shorter and more spaced out.  I have to admit, having a summer break isn't the easiest thing.  Two months off (or in some areas 3) is hard to come back from... NOT that it's not deserved.  I think it'd be hard for anyone to return to work after all that time off.  AND, it's nice to have projects to keep you busy, but let's admit, projects are year 'round, not just in the summer.  There are many times I think about wanting to clear out my basement of boxes and uselessness since my husband has moved in.  And that's not really a project I want to do during the summer, when we're working on our yard or other household projects.  Maybe it's simply redoing a bedroom.  Not a weekend project.  I strongly believe that students would retain more knowledge if breaks were slimmed down and spread throughout the year.  You would still have time off to let your brain recuperate, but it wouldn't be so long that you can't even remember what you were doing before you left.  And teachers would have time to rest AND extra time to plan units in advance instead of always taking work home at night or doing it on the weekends.  There are many days I want to just work on plans... I remember my graduate days when I would head to a coffee shop and sit for HOURS working and researching for plans.  I would love to have time throughout the year to do that, without always giving up my weekends with my spouse.  Maybe that's a change for another day... but I do think it's a far more worthy change than the one currently being implemented in my district.